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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Another full day...

HMMM, and it has just started. I am really unhappy with everything. I wish I was not wise to the world for it was so much nicer being ignorant. Apparently there is a group of kids in my neighborhood who steal things like stereos from cars. I and A got caught out after curfew and arrested. Then they were questions extensively. I could not help but point out the detective's very BAD attitude and explained to him if he wished to speak to my daughter he had best change it (the attitude, that is) He made the mistake of saying "I don't have to be respectful to suspects of crimes. They are criminals" WRONG I replied "So what you are saying is that if one is suspected of a crime they become subhuman--unworthy of being spoken to rather than yelled at." His reply was "I don't believe this" and very exastperated when I told him he was done speaking to my daughter in the accusing tone of voice and that he would not be allowed access to A. Period. Police don't like me but I am of the understanding that people have rights under the Declaration that allow life, liberty, pursuit of happiness but mainly that all men are created equal and afforded the same protections wether or not a suspect. So now I am dealing with both I and A being charged with what ever. I am sure I will find out soon enough. I am fed up with police issues. They annoy the hell out of me. I will be grateful to have this all behind me.


My home is a house divided still. I am trying so hard to just make it trough the days without being miserable that D is here. Not that it matters overly much since I guess I really hurt J beyond repair. I certainly will pay far more attention to my actions in the future. Right now, though I am gaining strength each day and becoming more capable of being the care giver. D is barely here, which limits argument time and he is looking around for a place to live. I know pride cometh before the fall and I am not trying to be boastful but I am amazed at how my thinking is changing and how my priorities have become less selfish and more altruistic. That does not mean any more teens are allowed over. The neighborhood kids have taken enough from me and I remain forever trusting. Or I was trusting, now I am going to be suspicious of everyone since I was informed by the police that this area is the equivalent of the inner city but with nicer houses. Oh J, I guess, since he has uncircled me that he really is not interested. When I think about it too much I still get this twinge that goes through my body. How can I miss someone that I never truly had? It boggles me to no end how grief works and I am processing so much grief. I keep saying I will research how to mend a broken heart but I cannot get my fingers to type it in google for I am afraid I won't believe what I am reading. Supposedly my heart will go on. That is what the song claims. But maybe it won't. What then? Am I going to be one of those old ladies that has a million cats because I cannot relate to people and I will die and not be found for weeks because no one cares? Yup, that is the bleak future I am facing. I need to get over being 43 and divorced. I never thought I would actually do it and now it so evident that this is how my future is going to play out.

Now something to make you smile--or me smile before I get back to my Brain book.....