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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Homeschooling vs tooth pulling

Yes it another day and I got the last two to the dentist. That is 12 hours over 4 days of sitting in a dentist office. I am so grateful for the patience I now have because the old me would have been pretty pissed. Now I just laugh it off and make the best of it with toys or books. I read lots yesterday but today, since it was L and B, I had to sit in the chair with each on my lap through the procedure of cleaning those itty bitty baby teeth. I was proud of them for not flipping out the way they do when I brush their teeth. Now I have to introduce them to dental floss. Lucky me.

Here is I hating every minute of the drilling of her teeth

OHH lucky me I just learned why my paragraphs aren't paragraphs and hopefully I have fixed it. Blogging requires a lot of work when one has not used HTML in years. Time to relearn.

My therapist just left. She suggested twice a week therapy because apparently my issues run far deeper than I thought. R "you really sound like you don't want him here," me "you think? I started packing a bag for myself to bolt. If he doesn't find a place to live, I will" which is insane. Thankfully he has found a job so he can afford to pay for a room somewhere. I am not heartless, just have been used and abused too many times. Flogging a dead horse, I believe, was a SEX PISTOLS album and that is exactly what is happening. She also noted that he has serious control issues and I will not tolerate it anymore. As for everything else that has transpired over the last two weeks, I still need to keep working on myself. That happiness that can be found within, I am digging for it.

Now the homeschooling part of it.....I think the kids accept the dentist much easier than they accept that reading is necessary.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Back to school

As I approach the end of the school year, I am happy to say that we may have actually managed a full 3rd grade. As for Is, we are unschooling in the hopes she will finish 8th and be off to school next year. There really is a massive amount of work she needs to be produced. After dentist appointments , I am dragging them to the library to work and I need to mail out ebay packages so my day will start busy. If I am lucky, it will end busy so I can fall asleep exhausted and not have to think. Right now I have to read the serial killer she has chosen to write about. Is that a sick mind? At this point I have given up trying to figure her out. G will drop her courses today so she can be put in patient care, and as I have been reminded repeatedly, I will be the one in charge of all of it. I will survive this. I have made it this far. I just wish I wasn't being reminded of all my failures, of which there have been many. 15 minutes and the boys are out the door and I finish the dishes. My temporary house guest has decided he will not do anything now since he is here so very temporarily. I am sure the couch will not be tidied, or the dishes done while I am gone all day but that is the way life goes. It is never easy and seldom head over heals happy. But the kids and I are making the best of a bad situation.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

When will life not be so miserable?

DH has been here the last couple days and it is so obvious how much I hate him, I cannot even hide it. I hope I can forgive at some point but I don't feel like forgiving. To little to late. And even though I was honest with him about wanting and filing for divorce he still harbors some sick hope to keep me in my misery. And being totally incapable of dealing with him, I have been using alcohol to dull his presence. He hacked my FB again because he doesn't believe I should have anyone in my life--and yet begs for forgiveness. i won't even log into FB to see what damage he did. Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach and he wonders why I scream how much I hate him.. I hope he finds a place soon because I am wanting to leave! And it is my house. Breakups have never been so ugly. A ring will never grace my ring finger on my left hand ever again. Marriage has sucked. 3:18 I looked and I want to cry. He called C a backstabber and she really thought it was me. I couldn't even get through all he wrote to J but I've lost yet again. He won't talk to me anymore, of that I am certain. Why did he have to invite me back? Now I have to go through all the misery again. While I still think everyday about the loss of Holly. Why wasn't it me? It should have been me. She was so beautiful and filled with light and love. She made friends easily and people loved her. I have always been on the fringes and never really able to connect with people. It isn't fair that I have to keep moving on through this life and she gets eternal rest. I am stuck in the slums of FL, she had the Cape. I was going to say "It does not change the fact that I want my life back." but my I have outlived my usefulness. Bed and chocolate are looking very appealing yet again. At least D is actively looking for a place to go. Gi just called, a mess, needing a place to stay. And as unstable as I feel right now I will have her move in. Three more kids to take care of. When is it going to be my turn? When is someone going to just love me in all my craziness, with no judgement? I am working so hard to fill this shell that I am failing. One can only pour so much out of a vessel before it is empty. I have nothing filling me back up and it is sick to rely on children to fill the empty place in ones heart. Yes, D I did give my heart to J but it matters not because I am expendable. Now I am going to be sick as I type yet again through the tears and wonder what I did wrong this time. Excuse me while I throw up.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

It's an awesome day

when you wake to find the raccoons that have been stalking the cat food and invading the house have pooped all over the pool deck. Is that marking or turf? Hopefully I can trap them. I suppose it is on the internet somewhere. Everything else is. Yesterday was I's birthday and since the computer I am using does not have an SD port pictures will have to wait until I locate the cord. That and the computer I am working on requires my help, desperately. After cleaning I need defragmenting and that could take a while. I had better get started while it is still early, before E awakes and needs to work and D comes over for a swim rather that our walk. That is at 10. Scheduling, and somehow I think D is going to move his things out....he has until Saturday, and I am sending G inpatient yet again. I need to advocate for mental illness. Especially broderline because is is so hard to understand. But struggling myself, I guess I see how other's see me. Rotten disease. There have been many new additions to the family. Bug had 4 black and 1 black and white kitten. There isn't much to look at yet but They will get their space on the page. Ducklings have joined us too I had some wonderful pictures of them in the pool but the computer they were on is now non existent. Not even pieces are left to make art. In my imperfectness, I broke it. Or would rage be a better word. I realize I have lots of anger built up and am grateful I got some of the rage out before D came here for the next few days. Otherwise it would not have been the computer I took my rage out on. SEE why I am in therapy? Yesterday's cancelled may have put me back months. But I degress. I went on a date and had a really great time. I hope he calls me again. No pictures for that. As the end of the year approaches, it would figure I find the homeschool materials I used with G and I. Hopefully we have a productive next few weeks. I am off tho make more tea and prepare my lessons. I hear Sponge Bob on the T.V. and that has to go. PBS it is.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Bad and the very very good

Ah my tire: Here is the spare...... First time down. Spare replaced it. The tired picture is the pare after it decided it could not hold itself together. This is where I went to get a used tire and probably a rim. The gentlemen REALLY provided excellent reasonably priced service. Saved my rim and replaced my tire. All for under $40.00. I am highly recommend Tony for tire needs and repairs.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Always an adventure

What is a blog without picture? Oh and I took so many yesterday. We made paste Recipe: 1 1/2 c water 1/3 c sugar 1T vinegar 1 C flour measure into a pan and cook about five minutes stirring constantly. I ended up having to whisk it because there were a couple lumps and no one likes lumpy paste/glue. Ella used it to put more of her lapbook together: She took the pictures...... but here is some of her work. We are now the owners of two baby ducks :) I actually swam with them. They won't be going in the pool very often but the novelty allowed for a lax of judgment. Pictures to follow. Unfortunately, while G was driving, the spare tire decided to pop. Since it was the spare I had to drive the car home form A's school on the side of the road. Tire is shredded. Instead of the Bok Gardens, I will be replacing a tire. Always when I have plans so I just won't plan any more. I was really looking forward to getting some me time last night but the car kind of blew it. Pictures to follow, LOL And if that was not enough, someone ruined the keyboard to my still fairly new (3 months maybe?)laptop computer. I have the desktop keyboard plugged into it so I may type. I guess a replacement keyboard need be on the list also. I have only made two payments on this and for me to already have it damaged--even with a password so no one but me can use it is just sad.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Freebie: Mobile Expressions

My facebook feed is really rather impressive with the number of sites I have found that list contests, freebies, giveaways and it just occurred to me that I can follow them all here clearing that massive list of posts I seldom read. However I did find this this morning: I am trying to figure out if the Velocity tablet can handle the software. Who doesn't want a free $15.00? I have made great pocket money with surveys and ebay. Love them both.

Thursday, April 11, 2013


This was today's project for my 3 and 4. It is my favorite cooked playdough recipe and a favorite of all 10 kids. 2 c flour 1c salt 1 tsp cream of tartar 2 C water 2 TB oil. Cook over medium heat while stirring constantly. It will pull away from the bottom first and unless you are diligent, it can burn. STIR. It is a workout. My kids like it warm. pour out of pan onto floured surface: This is how it worked out with L and B.

Ongoing conversation with myself

I am finding that I talk myself through everything. I am not sure if I am giving myself approval for my choices or I am off my rocker. It is things like--I'll hang these jackets up, throw those into the sock pile and these belong to the boys. Fold the sheets and the towels can wait. This while I am folding laundry. No one else is in the room but I am speaking out loud. I do it while I cook too. But, I am finding I am four notebooks with everything that is going n. Nothing is truly organized in one place. It is my problem with misplacing stuff but that shall improve since I am trying to be more aware of my surroundings. People have the ability to take advantage of me and I am not tolerating anymore. I am stronger with each encounter standing up for me. It is slow going though. Teenagers are far more devious than I ever imagined. I am appalled at what they are capable of. Including my own... I had a msg from J today and it caused a bit of a stir. I am feeling anxious although the conversation was polite. I am staring at the screen wan have no idea what to feel exactly. The blog wasn't for him. The google connect was because of C's video. I wanted it readily available for whatever reason. My therapist came today and I was manic. I have incorporated so many suggestions that I may overwhelm myself. Family Therapy is in the works but I still need to make appts with the pedi. Everything turns into a list. I think I will end now and read? No I need to empty my head. So much going on and so many changes--maybe I am moving too fast. I took my me time, lit that damn candle and burned Holly's photo in the process, schedule more and remove items of distraction (that was my idea after hearing repeatedly), take away their comfortable lifestyle. Again: work in progress

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Over haul

Not the TV show folks. Watching the child that dropped out of all but one FLVS course work across from me. This learning curve is huge. After taking all their belongings way, they have no internet access for fun. Homework and chores happen no matter how much I have to repeat myself. I need to work on the yelling and am researching as usual. I and dishes are having an issue and the sink is full of soaking dishes she is expected to wash them before sleep. Changing her sleeping schedule is on the long, long, long list of things that need improvement. G is dealing with her mental issues and I am looking toward 90 plus days residential. Another long research project for me that only I see the results of my relentless work. Tomorrow: L speech, me Dr. Saturday will be wonderful to get out of the house and tire the kids. We are planning here I am embarrassed to say I am not sure what child this is LOL This is what they have been allowed to do. No long internet time, no video games. It is this and the pool.

Lap books

I have just discovered the wonder and enjoymebnt of Lapbooks after hearing about them for years: Here is the site that has inspired me to start E is loving putting this project together and it is really making organelles come alive.

Tofu and beans with rice (0r rice with beans)

Okay this was an easy dinner: Tofu cubed with salt, pepper and veggie mix spice and Adobe-- sautee in olive oil. I change my spices whenever I make this. Rice as directed add beans that have soaked over night or use canned beans. Any will do. Season to taste

Monday, April 8, 2013 Learning Learning want to close my eyes and resume tomorrow but I need this so I can deal with the mouths and straight out defiance.

Death in family

It started with H and her tragic suicide. Since then, I's houseguest 's mother died the day before Easter. Oh how I did not know how to handle it and I is not being his friend right now. He wants to live with me, but life in this house is changing. I need to do some teenage computer source on information for dilinquents. I am YELLING for the past coupled days. I am TIRED of doing everything here and everything is being taken away from them; tomorrow I need to move the toys into the garage behind the mattress. Time to see how the truly underprivledged live. Margaret Thatcher passed--the woman listed as my favorite facebook when told she would not make much of herself in highshcool she replied "you are thwarting my ambition. She has her twins in Lawschool. She truly was the Iron lady--especially a lady. On top of this bs with my girls, Dad has a heart attack. Mum called from CCH. He ended up needing surgery. Praise the Lord and prayers for his health. To much death.

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

I was asked to look at the numbers of calamities

since the death of my sister. I cannot come up with an exact number but they have been many:

J and J.  I drove behind Publix where they were supposed to move and had a sense of melancholy.  I am sorry to see them gone form my life.  How I valued each as a friend it makes me want to cry.  I seem to have this happen all my life and really want people to grow old with.  I am finding problem after problem in the house:  I lost the garbage disposal, microwave and dishwasher one after the other.  I believe they were all broken when I got here.  I try so hard and the issues just keep flowing.  I am trying so hard to be available to each child and find that I need to just be militant.  That and extreme coupons or supreme coupon as I said last night to the girls.  They are very repentant considering how much less income there is right now from their actions an  They are constantly being directed to chores they should be doing anyway.  It is a real problem and I am going to have her evaluated. 

Made dentist apt today,  I still have to call in insurance info for three out of 8.  Not to bad.  Hmm I can not afford to pay for Gwen to go to the Dr this month or for her scripts. I wonder how I will mange.   I am ebaying school clothes next since the boys have so many khakis. 

 My health is declining.  I need to make an apt with my PCP and be referred to a GI  or go to the hospital and get something for the pain gut is holding all my stress. I guess I am that one in six.  The world is slowly starving.



Beef Brisket  WHERE is it from:  Butt (maybe)?

The rest of the day

back.  Umm I am badgering E to read Noah.  I am dealing with trying to get a welfare check to help ward off all the damage of a house falling apart.  People are  attemptimg to work off thir considerable debt.  I continue to list and I am making carot and ginfer sop to go with quiche.  Dinner tonight is spaghetti or to the church but I have had two of those beers J and J introduced me to.  Oh my stomach ache.....

I called acess and they are sending an email that I don't need to attemd the class I was already late mor.  Umm shortsighted on my part to call at tweld when the apt was at one in Kissimmee.   Praying for an unsanction and a check asap to pay the courts and keep my girls working.  I am looking at a crock pot of black beens and bunch of carots.  I need the seasoning fairy to visti in the for of E.  She needs to start writing as well as E so they can pass Flipping unchsooling.

Ginger Carrot Soup

Recipe courtesy Maxine Bonneau
Prep Time:
30 min
Inactive Prep Time:
20 min
Cook Time:
45 min
8 servings



In a 6-quart pan, over medium high heat, add butter and onions and cook, stirring often, until onions are limp. Add broth, carrots, and ginger. Cover and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until carrots are tender when pierced.
Remove from heat and transfer to a blender. Don't fill the blender more than half way, do it in batches if you have to. Cover the blender and then hold a kitchen towel over the top of the blender*. Be careful when blending hot liquids as the mixture can spurt out of the blender. Pulse the blender to start it and then puree until smooth. Return to the pan and add cream, stir over high heat until hot. For a smoother flavor bring soup to a boil, add salt and pepper, to taste.
Ladle into bowls and garnish with dollop sour cream and parsley sprigs.
*When blending hot liquids: Remove liquid from the heat and allow to cool for at least 5 minutes. Transfer liquid to a blender or food processor and fill it no more than halfway. If using a blender, release one corner of the lid. This prevents the vacuum effect that creates heat explosions. Place a towel over the top of the machine, pulse a few times then process on high speed until smooth.

* Guest Recipe

A viewer or guest of the show, who may not be a professional cook, provided this recipe. The Food Network Kitchens have not tested this recipe and therefore cannot make representation as to the results.

This is what the kids do with the camera getting unchsool credit

Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas (Subtitulada)