Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Grasping grief and forging through it
It has been a period of time where I actually analyzed where I am in processing H's suicide. I have contacted a Grief group that meets on Wednesday so I can get help for dealing with this minus my family members who have not been able to even start the process. H-2 said she would wait until she graduated with her BA--it has been a bit of time and she does not realize She, me and FB no longer interact. She will deal on her clock. Mum does not want to talk about it and Dad now goes to church every Sunday and takes his coffee to sit at her headstone--location I still do not know of.
I however, I look forward to not being shut out and off. My grief is real and my methods are sound. Or a group setting is needed for me right now.
Links to the site:
This is Wednesday nights... In Celebration FL. A trip to group sharing instead of the family/friend support fills that void.
Here is an article on adults suffering the death of sibling:
The Loss of Future
When a sibling dies, all future special occasions will be forever changed. There will be no more shared birthday celebrations, anniversaries, or holidays. There will be no telephone calls telling of the birth of a new nephew or niece. The sharing of life’s unique and special events will never again take place.
What Adult Siblings May Expect
Survivor guilt is normal. Siblings usually have a relationship where they seek to protect each other. Despite the physical distance that may separate them as adults, this need to have provided protection weighs heavily in the aftermath of the loss.
Guilt about how the relationship was maintained is common. So often as adults, the sibling relationship has changed from younger years.. Each travels a separate path, and sometimes communication is lacking and ambivalent feelings about maintaining the relationship surface. No matter how good a relationship may have been, the survivor often believes it should have been better, causing guilt.
Anger over a new role within the family often occurs. A surviving sibling may now be the one expected to care for aging parents, and he or she may have to step into the role of guardian for nieces and nephews. Remaining family members may look to surviving siblings for guidance. All these situations are possible reasons to feel anger over a sibling’s death.
Fear of mortality. When a brother or sister dies, it is natural for the surviving sibling or siblings to look at their own lives and question how many years they have left, and what their deaths would do to the family.
Surviving siblings may find positive changes within their lives. These may include greater emotional strength, increased independence, and a soul-searching reexamination of religious beliefs. Some survivors feel the need to make a change in their life’s work, such as becoming a therapist, or working to effect a change in the area that took the life of the sibling.
Even when a sibling has died, a connection still remains. Surviving brothers and sisters think about them; talk about them; remember them at special times such as birthdays, holidays, and death dates; and may create a memorial of some type. This connection with the sibling who died does not have to be given up to move forward in life.