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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Ongoing conversation with myself

I am finding that I talk myself through everything. I am not sure if I am giving myself approval for my choices or I am off my rocker. It is things like--I'll hang these jackets up, throw those into the sock pile and these belong to the boys. Fold the sheets and the towels can wait. This while I am folding laundry. No one else is in the room but I am speaking out loud. I do it while I cook too. But, I am finding I am four notebooks with everything that is going n. Nothing is truly organized in one place. It is my problem with misplacing stuff but that shall improve since I am trying to be more aware of my surroundings. People have the ability to take advantage of me and I am not tolerating anymore. I am stronger with each encounter standing up for me. It is slow going though. Teenagers are far more devious than I ever imagined. I am appalled at what they are capable of. Including my own... I had a msg from J today and it caused a bit of a stir. I am feeling anxious although the conversation was polite. I am staring at the screen wan have no idea what to feel exactly. The blog wasn't for him. The google connect was because of C's video. I wanted it readily available for whatever reason. My therapist came today and I was manic. I have incorporated so many suggestions that I may overwhelm myself. Family Therapy is in the works but I still need to make appts with the pedi. Everything turns into a list. I think I will end now and read? No I need to empty my head. So much going on and so many changes--maybe I am moving too fast. I took my me time, lit that damn candle and burned Holly's photo in the process, schedule more and remove items of distraction (that was my idea after hearing repeatedly), take away their comfortable lifestyle. Again: work in progress